Clarity
by Itsrealwithyou
Summary: Snap shots of Peeta and Katniss's lives, through it all Peeta realizes one thing. Things have always been clear when its about Katniss. (Re-uploaded because of major editing problems)


_**If our love insanity why are you my clarity? **_

_~High dive into frozen waves where the past comes back to life,__ Fight fear for the selfish pain _**_and it's worth it every time._**

Peeta spots Katniss in the rain before his mother does, he feels his chest tighten at the sight of her, by how ragged she looks, how absolutely beaten down. She is no longer the bright eyed girl he used to see in school and the though sickens him. As she rummages through the trash can outside. His heart speeds up at the sight of her and he knows she will come up empty handed. They rarely throw anything of use out and besides the cans had been emptied all too recently.

His heart stops as his mother makes her way to the door yelling at her to get lost, not wanting seam trash anywhere near her home. He glances at her once more and just about loses it as he sees her slump to the ground, seeming to give up under the apple tree behind his house.

He doesn't think, he just acts, he knows he has to help her, is the only one that can. Its all too easy, he shifts the paddle he is holding and watches as the two loafs of bread fall into the fire. He allows them to burn but not enough to ruin them, just enough to make them unsellable.

He knows what is coming, even braces himself for the impact, but all the same when his mother grabs the rolling pin he flinches as it smacks into his cheek. He is dazed but his mission is not forgotten. Her words are lost to him as she shoves the bread into his hands, exactly what he needs.

He heads outside into the rain tearing off the smallest of chunks possible and throwing it at the pigs his eyes trained on the door. As soon as she turns her back Peeta's blue eyes lock with her own now dull grey ones. Without a second thought he tosses the bread as close to her as possible hoping she understands and turns back inside quickly wishing he could do more.

In the back of his mind all he can think is that this is good, because she must know. Clearly she must know now.

That night as he lays in bed ice pressed to his cheek and his head pounding he smiles, because nothing mattered, not his own pain..because for her. For her he would do it again.

_~Hold still right before we crash cause **we both know how this ends **_

**_"It was all for the Games," I say slowly as the relization dawns on me. "How you acted." _**

**_"Not all of it," she says slowly and my heart stops seeing it in her eyes how confused she is, that even some of it had been for the games was beyond painful. How could he have been so blind. His next question is soft, sad almost._**

**"Then how much of it? No forget that. I guess the real question is what's going to be left when we get home?" **his heart is beating so fast he is sure it is about to come out of his chest.

**"I don't know. The closer we get to district twelve the more confused I get**" That is all he needs to hear. All he needs to know. In the end it didn't matter, she still hadn't seen it. She hadn't felt it like he had.

**"Well. Let me know when you work it out" **I manage to get out as I head back to my own compartment. I can't be around her right now.

As we finally arrive I know what I must do.

**One last time? For the audience "** I dont look at her. I cant look at her. My voice is flat and all I can't focus on is taking deep breaths as I feel my heart breaking, shattering inside my chest. I reach for her hand and paint a smile on my face.

This is all a game.

~_Our clock ticks till it breaks your glass and__** I drown in you again.**_

Their time is running out, he knows they don't have much time left in this arena and he has to make sure that what he wants gets done..before..before its too late.

The conversation starts with him stating the truth, Haymitch was lying to one of them, he couldn't keep them both alive. Not this time around .

**"Why are you saying all this now?"** her head rises slowly, her gaze finally meeting mine and her pain is evident. She doesn't want to hear this.

**"Because I don't want you forgetting how different our circumstances are. If you die and I live there is no life for me at all **

Slowly I pull the golden disk from around my neck and turn it touching the lever I know will open it. Picking the pictures had been easy, these were the faces that would weaken her resolve that would remind her what she was giving up, all the things she couldn't give up.

**"Your family needs you" **he knows what he is offering. He knows what he is giving up and it doesn't matter. He wants this. He wants Katniss to have a future. To be happy to love again. To ever really love.

She could pull off having lost the baby, she could go home. She could get over what they were. She would be better off.

Everything. I am offering her everything and walking away happy because..its her.

This isn't some game to me, this isn't me trying to play up the romance for the cameras, this is me, finally laying it all out. She needs to hear this, she needs to know that when I am gone she can get over me.

**"Nobody really needs me"** this isn't self pity, this is not me regretting anything. Just cold hard facts. My family and friends will mourn but after a while they will be ok. They too will move on like they always have,

**"I do"** her voice speaks, cutting through me like knives. **"I need you"**

Why. Why does she do this. Why does she make this harder than it has to be, I long ago accepted that we could never be, that in the end the odds had never been in my favor.

I take a deep breath bracing myself to argue when her lips are on mine. I try to stop it, try to pull away, try to control myself but its a lost cause.

Her lips aren't soft and docile like they often were in the victory tour, this isn't an act for her either and everything in me lights up as my body takes over. My lips move in tandem with hers giving in, if this was the last kiss, then it would be the best of his life.

He reaches for her, taking her narrow hips in his hands and pulling her body onto his own, each kiss gets deeper, her lips parting with his and their tongues tasting each other, exploring the other like they never had. Her hands make their way up into his golden curls and the soft sigh that escapes her lips make it almost impossible to think about anything but her, to think of a time when he wont be able to do this. **He is drowning** and for once doesn't want to be saved.

Suddenly lighting strikes and Finnick sits up in a panic. Katniss is still on his lap and he is sure both of their faces must having matching masks of horror. Slowly almost reluctantly he scoots her off him and offers to keep watch. This is for the best, he can't lose himself in her like that. He knows what he has to do.

Keeping her is not part of it.

_Cause you are the piece of me __**I wish I didn't need **_

The days in the capitol seem endless, each new torture bringing with it endless horros and slowly he begins to lose his mind, his sanity, everything that made him, him is slowly being forgotten and replaced with a monster.

Katniss is being morphed in his and without her, he isn't Peeta Mellark.

She was a vital part of him, had always been a part of him and now that she was being taken he realizes that he needs her. Needs her so much more than he thought.

Things get hazy and as he fights, as he clings to her memory he feels his grip slipping. This is the end. This is what it comes down to. All he can do is hope, hope that she is far away. That she is happy and safe. Before darkness descends on him he mumbles something. Something that will never change. He knows she cant hear him, but he hopes that she will always know it to be true.

"I love you Katniss..Always"

- _Chasing relentlessly __**still fight and I don't know why**_

Finnick is dead. Half of their team is dead and he is still alive. He feels himself losing control again. Feels himself slipping and white hatred runs through his viens as she calls for him. No. This is Katniss. You don't hate her. You dont hate her.

He can't fight it. It is stronger than he is. More powerful than his will.

**"Leave me.."** I whisper **"I can't hang on"**

**"Yes you can!" **she sounds fierce, determined, but Peeta knows that that this time he cant give her what she wants.

**"I'm losing it. I will go mad. Like them" **I insist knowing that its a lost cause. Knowing I am a lost cause.

She seems angry, more than angry and as she steps closer suddenly he is almost certain that he is about to die.

Instead her lips are on mine and everything seems to explodes inside me. Half of him wanting nothing more than to pull back. To wrap his hands around her neck once more, but the rest of him remembering everything. Knowing that there is nothing he wants more than to kiss her.

**"Dont let him take you from me" **her hands are holding me and everything in him is fighting to stay with her now.

**"I dont want to.."** he can't. He can't let him win.

**"Stay with me" **

He knows tose words. They have said them before. He knows what she wants to hear.

**"Always"**

_If our love is tragedy__** why are you my remedy **_

Going back to twelve isn't easy. He knew it wouldn't be, but when he left the capitol he knew that was where he belonged. Katniss was in twelve and where ever Katniss is, that is where he belongs.

The district is empty, broken and all but forgotten. He walks through it wondering if this was a mistake but the closer he gets to his own home the more sure he is that he made the right choice.

The idea comes out of no where but he knows, he just knows what he has to do for her. To really help her.

He finds the bushes in the woods, a place he had never been to, much less alone, and with a borrowed wheelbarrow he rolls them to her house. He knows better than to ask, he knows actions speak louder than words to her. They always have.

When she shows up his heart clenches, she looks pale and haggard a little more than an empty shell of the old Katniss he has always been in love with.

**"You came back"**

**"Dr. Aurelius wouldn't let me leave the capitol until yesterday" **he says realizing that she hadn't gotten his letters.

**"What are you doing" s**he asks her eyes on the wheelbarrow.

**"I went to the woods and dug these up, for her**" Peeta knows not to use her name yet. Knows she isn't ready to hear it yet.

She simply nods and turns away, but this time he knows it is not forever.

She comes back to him slowly, at first they work on the plant book together, in the living room and only for a few hours, words are few and far between but he doesn't mind. She starts hunting again and one night invites him over for dinner, it becomes routine.

She takes him into the woods with her, shows him her lake, when she explains it was her fathers and breaks down he pulls her close and waits for it to pass.

On nights they find it impossible to sleep and eventually she shows up at his door step, drenched, he face tear stained. He takes her hand and leads her to bed. This too becomes routine. He comforts her in the way he only knows how. His arms hold her, his arms comfort her and eventually his lips do too.

The night he feels everything about to change he knows he was right to wait for her, to fight for her. Because in the end of this tragic lover story, she was what he needed and she him.

Once they are done, when it is over he holds her close. His lips at the hallow of her neck and he asks her for the last time.

**"You love me, real or not real?"** he waits knowing the answer before she says it, knowing her better than he knows himself but his heart swelling all the same at her whispered response.

**"Real"**

**~If our love's insanity why are you my clarity **

Years pass, weddings, anniversaries, laughs, tears and endless unforgettable moments fill their lives. Every morning he wakes up he looks next to him and sure enough there she is, as always.

Loving her hadn't always been easy but at the end it had been worth it. She made it worth it.

He walks into the kitchen and there she is, her hair in a messy braid, their new born son in her arms and Ember in her high chair talking faster then a three year old should.

"Daddy!" she exclaims and Katniss turns to face him, her smile is wide and her eyes are bright. His heart still clenches at the sight of her and as he steps closer she leans in kissing his lips softly.

"He just woke up and Ember has been asking about you, says you promised her you would take her to the bakery today" her voice is soft as she rocks their baby boy and he smiles leaning in to kiss her once more.

"Of course" he says pulling back and taking his daughter into his arms. He goes back to Katniss and as he shifts Ember to his hip, he pulls his wife and his son close. Ember giggles and Katniss shakes her head before smiling at him.

This was his life. And he couldn't ask for more.


End file.
